i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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