But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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