if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
you never un-have a 4some
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
