I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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