If i come over, it means nothing
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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