It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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