I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
