i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
