Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
