Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
