I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
