You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
