i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
