I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
