Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
