Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
