you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
