Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
