i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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