im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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