So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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