I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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