Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
