fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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