So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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