Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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