your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
