im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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