we're blogging at a bar
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
