marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
