he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
