I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
