If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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