It's like God shit irony all over that family
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Randomize
