In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
