I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You ruined the universe
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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