there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize