there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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