I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
