you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
