come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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