john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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