I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
