No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
