I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
