Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize