I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Duck Duck Cougar?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
