I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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