I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
