My room smells like vodka and shame
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
