I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
