Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
