Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
