I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
