dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
