Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
