dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
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He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
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our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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