Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
