Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
