So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I bet he comes in French.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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