Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
