I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
